Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It has been far too long


I went to the city council meeting last night. I love to watch the people as their mouths open and hear whether they are trying to protect something or just being themselves (pretty arrogant of me to think I can even tell the difference). A friend approached me before the meeting. He's on the council and also goes to the church I haven't been going to. I can't say that I 'left the church' because how do you leave a church? The relationships continue, the cross continues, and you just live in this uncomfortable silence for a moment as you greet each other. Really you both know and just accept it - each others position that is.


Anyway, Jim and I talked about a short message that the pastor asked me to give last Sunday. He asked me to talk for five minutes on 'how' I live out my faith at work. It really was difficult to actually put words to the 'how' but I love talking about the 'why' so thats where I stayed with it. Well Jim was moved and expressed that at the meeting. He also told me that he misses the songs I used to write and share with the church. He told me about the church turning their back on him when he divorced his wife and how badly that hurt. How the rumors travelled in whispers and silenced rooms as he danced of the dirge that divorced people dance. That really threw me for a loop. He wasn't saying it as an invitation but really meant it. So I talked to my wife last night about it, in bed, best place to talk. I really thought that the music that was flowing out of me was temporary and that my heart and creativity was directed elsewhere. She told me that I am distracted and that my flow of creativity was being diverted into busyness.


So here I am, pounding out words on a screen and listening to how they sound in my head and praying (I'm constantly distracted but my wife says A.D.D.) for a little direction. I will say this, I haven't felt much more alive than I do right at this moment. Feelings cannot always be trusted though. How 'bout some fruit friend-Jesus? Can we get together on some fruit?


I love.....

3 comments:

Dennis Mullen said...

Good stuff as usual, and long overdue. How DO you leave a church? Profound question. It must be a lot like dancing that death dirge you spoke of....

sam said...

I'm going to see if there are any books about 'leaving a church'. I wanted to respond in so many ways to this comment but I don't have the time. I think that's one of the reasons I cut down on blogging, I want to be with people eye to eye. I appreciate your comment, Dennis.

MJ said...

Hey, fellow church leaver. Just wanted to drop by and say hey. I"m bloggin publicly again. www.myspace.com/mjsoldano. Been doing stuff on genesis lately. Would love to hear what you thought. How are you doign flying the rebel ship anyway? Hope all is well.
-MJ