Thoughts

A friend was listening to a talk I was giving on the Psalms and interrupted me with the question, "Do you consider yourself melancholy?". I appreciate questions like that. Yes, I am melancholy but not depressed. Besides, of all the studies in the Bible there is nothing so bipolar as the Psalms and if my facts are correct, there is far more laments than there are praise Psalms. Life has so much depth and so much richness and so much pain and so much joy that most of the time I just don't have anything to say that could possibly add. Is it considered productive to absorb stuff? Like recently I've been bowled over at the opportunity we are missing out on making a difference in our world. Just some little things for now and like a crack pipe to a pothead its not much of a step to go really radical and affect some really significant change. We started by changing out our light bulbs for the flourescent curly kind. I explained it to my daughters and wow, I find darkness where before burned incandescent flames of eternity (why should you turn off a light if you are going back in there in an hour?). They started hanging up clothing that they'd only worn for a short time so they could wear them again rather than throwing them in a heap to be washed. Speaking of washing, they are now waiting until they have a full load instead of running the washer for 1, 2, or 3 items.

I get melancholy when I think of all we could have been doing and haven't. I get melancholy when I see my financial obligations have me enslaved to a lifestyle I no longer wish to remain in. There are over 20 homes for sale in our tiny city of 1200 people. Our real estate market has fallen as manufacturing jobs that people relied on go south for cheaper labor. No way is someone going to buy my 6 bedroom, 3 bath energy monster so I can downsize. I get melancholy when I realize that in a few short months I'll have 3 kids that are licensed drivers and only one with a job to pay for his insurance (he now has his own car too so really I only have two drivers). Even if I don't let them drive (which would be abuse in our society) my cars my insurance company is still going to raise my insurance. I get melancholy when I see that in spite of all the change that is being made in my own life I still find myself like Paul, doing that which I wish not to do and not doing that which I long to do.

Its 51 degrees on the 1st of June. Just a couple days ago it was 93 degrees. That alone is a reason to be melancholy. I think I need a nap...or a bowl of soup...or maybe a good book....or hope that springs eternal. Yep, I need that.